Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Time Counts

Time Counts

Tick, tick, tick, tock.

Time walks away from me perpetually.

I try and grab it and hold it still but it keeps on wandering regardless of my efforts.

In my wildest dreams, I hope for duality – a true dichotomy of living; the opportunity to be in two places at once. That would be my secret power if I had the chance.

If there was an afterlife, I rather like the idea of having the potential to live two lives at once, rather like that “Sliding Doors” film – one to watch.

“Time is what stops everything from happening at once” – John Archibald Wheeler

Time stops for no man. That is what they say but they are wrong. Anyone who has experienced a true state of sensuality will know that time stands still, be it for a mere second that reaches out for eternity.

“Time is the justice that examines all offenders” – William Shakespeare

Time takes no prisoners. Time steals. Stealing time. The thief of time. Look how many phrases there are about time disappearing without anything happening. Look how many times we run out of time, watching it disappear before we can even begin to open our entire bank of senses.

Are we all offenders when it comes to time? Does not everyone have a guilty conscience about how time has been spent? Doesn’t a life well-lived belong to someone who can contentedly say that they lost no time, they used it well, they felt that every minute of every hour of every day had purpose and meaning; that they lost not a second?

“But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day” – Benjamin Disraeli

Good old Benjamin is right. Time should not be quantified by numbers divisible by twelve. It should not be counted at all. It should be lived. It should have sensation and the only important time is what you can measure in that consciousness.

This is what I was thinking last night as I lay in bed worrying about time.

How can I capture time? How can I steal it back? How can I get more of it at the time I want it and less of it at the time I don’t?

I can’t.

But I can use time wisely and I have the opportunity to use time rather than let it stray away from me.

Each second is a second. Each minute is a minute. Each hour is an hour. Each day is a day and so forth but how different each of those time measurements can be if spiritual wellbeing is at the core of time.

Each second is a second but it lasts so much longer when you allow the soul to see it, to feel it, to live it, to hold it. Each second is a second that can seem like an hour when you are waiting, hoping, missing.

That’s the trick of time. It’s all in the mind!

“Lost time is never found again” – Benjamin Franklin

Lost time cannot be found but perhaps the trick is not to dwell on it. What is gone is gone. Time allows you to move forward and try to set aside the grief or the angst of losing time. There is always another time, be it now or in the future.

“Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration” – Kahlil Gibran

It’s not all bad – this thing called time. Even in the most trying of circumstances one should use time wisely, enabling the excitement of the moment to subsume us. Sometimes, I have to sit for hours doing things that I do not want to do. It’s hard. It is sometimes insufferable but even then, we should think about how we are using time.

We may be stuck in a room with a bunch of hopeless people, strategising or marketing, coaching or dictating but we can take our minds elsewhere if we need to use the time more wisely.

And if we have to concentrate, we can think of the time when such useless moments will be gone forever.

I look forward to time. I try not to be defeated by its inadequacies.

“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is” – C.S. Lewis

At last, the final leveller. Time is a socialist! It is shared equally amongst all humans. Doesn’t that equity make it the most perfect gift that should be treasured, reiterating its need to be used wisely?

What is my future? In the next hour? In the next week? In a lifetime?
Whatever it is, I will reach it at the same time as another reaches their destination, or fails to do so.

How I use my time is my choice and although I may share my time with others, it is my time that is important and it is my time that is my future.

“You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by” – James M. Barrie

The Peter Pan man makes sense.

Sometimes, I lie in bed letting all sorts of thoughts and feelings run through me.

Sometimes, I lie on a beach, reading nothing, doing nothing, letting all sorts of thoughts and feelings run through me.

Sometimes, I lie on the settee, looking at a fire, letting all sorts of thoughts and feelings run through me.

I could tell you some of those thoughts but others have vanished with the time that they were first thought of.

I can think of plenty of times when I should have been doing other things but the golden times had to happen. “Golden times” should be in everyone’s day.

..............................................................................................................................................................

Shouldn’t everyone’s lives be time rich? But of course, the economy would grind to a halt!

Not if someone’s choice of being time rich was to keep an eye on the economy. It takes all sorts to make the world work.

The great thinkers were time rich. The great thinkers are time rich.

I should probably be working now, going through emails, talking to clients, writing papers that nobody wants to read. I should be writing Christmas cards or putting up the rest of the decorations rather than babbling on about time.

I could be playing the piano or the flute or watching the news to see what is going on with the kettling of Scotland Yard. I could be out in the street, taking a walk down to the town to do some Christmas shopping. Heaven forbid, I need to.

And yet, taking time, sitting in silence and writing about nothing other than time, seems to be the right thing to do at this precise moment in time.

Would it be a better world if in our busy lives, people were allowed a moment, whenever it struck them, to take some time to do what feels the most natural thing to do in the world?

...........................................................................................................................................................

I write about time because it is a precious thing that I so frequently feel bereft of.

And I am one of the fortunate ones who has chosen not to spend her entire week working.

And still I do not afford enough time to the things that I want to do and the people that I want to be with.

Time escapes me and I am angry about that. It annoys me and upsets me that I waste time on the unimportant at the expense of the desired.

But then I think once more about all those minutes when I am using my time doing the things that I really want to do. Don’t those moments count for more than those moments that I feel are lost? Don’t they more than make up for the lost moments? Don’t they last longer, even if it is in my imagination?

Time rich, time poor. That is what I am.

But there is always more time, and to that I turn to a clever man who managed to capture the essence of the spiritual from a book that sometimes appears to be less so.

Good old Peter Seeger!

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate

A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!

We are losing time but there is always time.

We need to use it wisely.

But we need to respect its movement too.

We cannot cast aside the fact that time moves even when we stand still.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

The Beatles

What’s Your Favourite?

iTunes has finally got their man, or men to be more exact. It appears that the Bookies have slashed the odds on The Beatles taking all the places in the Top Ten as fans of the Fab Four download to their hearts content.

So what is the current favourite? What is likely to be the number one download?
Apparently “Hey Jude” is right up there with a surprising late entry from “Here Comes the Sun”.

Bizarre! I’m not sure that the latter would feature in my top twenty songs of the Beatles.

But then again, I’m also not sure what Beatles songs would.

It seems to me that if you went around the general public and asked what their favourite Beatles song was, it would possibly be the first one that popped into their heads. Whatever compilations came from such a question would always feature the most well-known and not necessarily their best. And anyway, music is such a personal thing. With it comes such memories, such emotions that are important for one person that are completely meaningless for another.

Take “Sergeant Pepper”. I have such fond memories of locking myself away in my brother’s bedroom because he was the only one of us that had a record player in his own space away from the rest of the family. Whenever he was out, I used to go in and treat myself to playing the very few records that we actually had. One of them was “Sergeant Pepper” and I learned to sing from this album.

My favourite at that time was “She’s Leaving Home” purely because it was the one that I could sing best, and I was desperately worried about this poor family who were having to deal with such a traumatic occurrence!

Nowadays, I think I have a completely different Top Ten Beatles songs than I did a decade or two ago. I would be loathe to say which is my favourite but there are certain songs that still have resonance with me for a variety of reasons.

I love “Across the Universe”. Nothing is going to change my world and everything is. Meditation, spirituality, “limitless undying love which shines around me” “thoughts meandering”.

I lose myself when I listen and play this song. I love sitting at the piano and just drifting off into Lennon’s composition, allowing it to take me across all sorts of universes, thinking about nothing, thinking about everything - “possessing and caressing”.

Perfectly beautiful.

I still love certain songs for their utter simplicity. “I will” is a song that is not as well known as other Beatles tracks. It is clearly a McCartney rather than Lennon composition and yet, I still love to hear the basic lyrics that explain with how unconditional love and affection could be, albeit rather simplistic.

“For the things you do endear you to me”.

It’s not the best of their songs, and it is actually a bit soppy but somewhere in my distant past, it meant something to me, and has stuck.

“Blackbird” is such a song of hope. “You were only waiting for this moment to arise”. Learn to fly – we should all be learning to fly in whatever direction we choose. If only more of us could fly where we want to.

I could go on. “I am the Walrus” Do I actually geddit? “Girl” weird and totally different to other songs that they produced. “Something” – so much of Harrison.

And then there are the old favourites. Eleanor Rigby, Yesterday, I Feel Fine.

And of course, “A Day in the Life”

I still listen, mesmerised, by what the hell is going on there!

The point is, is there any point at all in trying to have a definitive list of favourites? Surely they fluctuate as times and circumstances change. Can you ever have a favourite when they are so eclectic? Isn’t that precisely why The Beatles were so popular – well one of the reasons anyway.

All I hope is that this change in The Beatles management means that I can listen further on Spotify. I sincerely hope that this means that they are going to be available there too.

Here’s hoping.

Because what I want to do is learn. I want to listen to more music. Not just The Beatles, of course, but I certainly want to make a more educated and considered choice as to what might be my favourite and there is every possibility that I might not even have heard, or registered, my favourite Fab Four track because I know that I have not listened to them all.

And isn’t that exciting? That there is still a wealth of music out there for me to listen to.

Friday, 12 November 2010

Silence

Silence

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/nov/11/transfiguring-qualities-of-silence-and-solitude

There is an excellent piece of writing in the Guardian today about silence.

This is a subject that is close to my heart. I both loathe and love silence and it is all dependent upon circumstances as to which is the prevalent force.

I assume that this piece was written as a reflective article about the two minute silence on Armistice Day, and if I have written about this before, then apologies for the repetition but, as I said, it is something that actually fascinates me.

And apparently it fascinates other people too. For whilst I was reading the Libby Brooks article which mentioned John Cage’s Silence 4’33”, that very piece was being played, albeit a mere snippet, on the radio during Desert Island Discs. I love that sort of synergy. It spooks me out but it is truly wonderful too.

The silence on Desert Island discs made me think though. Apparently, Kirsty could not play the piece for too long in case people thought that the world had ended or that Radio Four had gone off air for good, which is possibly the same thing.

People are unnerved by such prolonged silence, which is part of the reason for the composition of this piece in the first instance. In fact this piece is set for a debut into the pop charts as an ongoing rage against X-Factor and the abomination of sounds that can come out of such programmes.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/sep/30/christmas-no1-facebook-campaign

I was actually going to write about this a couple of weeks ago as the BBC ran a reality programme about some people who had busy lives where silence was sincerely lacking.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/proginfo/tv/2010/wk42/feature_big_silence.shtml

I only managed to catch the first programme and would quite like to get around to watching the others because these people were really struggling.

They, and we, come from a world where real silence is lacking, where we do not do enough to actually search for the sort of silence that our poor worn out senses actually require.

The Big Silence was frightening. Listening to one’s own thoughts without interruption from any intervention whatsoever was completely new, totally alien and utterly overwhelming for the participants in this programme. They sought to subvert, collecting together in shadowed whispers just to break what they saw as the monotony of constant silence.

The Armistice Silence is probably more poignant because it is the only time when people collectively observe that nothingness and completeness in any given year. It resonates because people do not do it. Silence is an unknown quantity to the population.

I am sitting here in silence at the moment. I have no music to distract me. The radio is on mute and yet I can hear the tapping of my fingers on the keys of the computer. I can hear the wind driving through the remnants of leaves outside, and the gentle twinkle of my wind chime reminds me that there is still noise in my alleged silent place.

How often do we really clear our minds from all sound? How often do we lie down and let silence subsume us?

I do it in the bath.

Sometimes, that is the best place for silence as you mute everything on diving below the waterline. In such times, I lose myself to my thoughts and sometimes I try and banish thoughts too because what I require is not just silence but solitude too.

Silence is different from solitude, solitude is different from loneliness. Sometimes, we confuse it all and bring forth all sorts of misnomers in doing so.

There are times in my busy life when I want to be on my own. There are times when I simply want the rest of the world to disappear so that I can enjoy being with myself, my thoughts, my actions, my being. It doesn’t happen often enough.

There are times when enforced solitude is the very last thing I want because human touch and conversation is what I need but that has to be balanced out with that desire to be alone.

But even in that solitude, I do not always get silence, and I do wonder whether I could cope with prolonged silence day after day without interruption from anything at all.

Would that make me a better person? Would I be more in tune with my spiritual side if I did get more silence?
Living in the city, can you ever get silence? It certainly doesn’t sound the same as the sort of silence I get when I am walking alone along the coast, but then is that silence either because you can always hear the crashing of the waves?

Silence is not embraced in our society.

We coo and call to babies, encouraging them to speak at the earliest opportunity. We give them loud toys to play with and hope that they will follow the tunes that we prescribe. We constantly ask them questions about what they are doing, how they are feeling. We sit them in their cots with a musical mobile so that they are never alone to silence.

We bombard them with television and radio, music and chatter, so that they grow up thinking that silence is something to be feared.

And then we (well some) insist on them being ‘silent’ in concentrated work. No wonder the poor mites are terrified by such a sound. No wonder it seems unrealistic and unnatural.

How can we foster the sort of imagination that we want from our youngsters without them experiencing both silence and solitude, and noise and togetherness? We need both.

Libby Brooks states “An ocean separates the creative potential of quiet solitude from the suffocating isolation of loneliness”. This is so true, and some walk a thin line between the two. But those who embrace balance will know the virtue of silence and the meaning of solitude as much as the joy of conversation and the intimacy of sharing.

Yes, we must learn how to share silence and share solitude, if that does not sound like an oxymoron.

I can be perfectly at one with myself, in solitude, in a room full of people if I enable this to happen. I can enjoy the silence of another’s solitude if the relationship is right. Silence and solitude between two people sharing a space is one of the most intimate things in life.

Equally, I can feel like the loneliest person on the planet if solitude is enforced in a world where silence does not prevail.

How strange it is that I can sit in a room with one person reading a book and find great comfort whereas sitting in another room with another person reading a book makes me feel so alone.

Back to balance.

Finding your voice in silence is something that we should all endeavour to do. Allowing time for switch off from the world and even from the people that we most love in the world, is also a necessity that too few people recognise the value thereof.

Giving children a voice is vital. Giving them silence is less considered as being so important and yet we must do this in a positive and not punitive way.

Do you know, in the West we have so much to learn about the values in life that are there for us to grasp, that cost nothing, that mean everything and yet we perpetually ignore, demoting them to insignificance.

Others have learned the importance of silence without it being deafening. Others have learned the significance of solitude without it tipping into loneliness. Others embrace the collegiality of conversation when the time is right and all of these things determine a more intimate existence with our fellow humankind.

Silence is such an important subject. It is something that we do not have, and as the author of the Guardian article states, we should not sideline for two minutes on a cold November day.

Listening to silence is a wondrous thing. Listening to what you mind is conjuring through the silence is something that so few of us do.

Let’s hope that the Cage piece will make it into the charts, not just as a gimmick of the 21st century but to truly embrace the reason why the piece was written in the first place.

Rallying for the Cause

Those pesky students have been at it again! Stamping their feet and marching on the capital to complain about the piddly little increase in tuition fees. The figures suggested that there were around 50,000 people attending the demonstration, which probably means there were double that.

Some of it got out of hand. Some people resorted to violence and thuggery, intent on making the news for all the wrong reasons, smashing windows and dropping dangerous articles from the roof of the Millbank building.

It’s strange really because when all of this happens is France and violence erupts, people tend to empathise and congratulate the students for their passion and ardour. When it happens here it is condemned as petulant and unnecessary.

Personally, I wouldn’t advocate any form of violence. It frightens me, alarms me, however much I might empathise, however much I love people expressing their passion, even if it is isn’t a passion I share.

Watching the students marching through London though, did bring back a load of memories from a past world; a world that seems detached and distant for all its resonance.

I had the fortune and misfortune to attend university/polytechnic in the middle of the Thatcher Era which gave us plenty of fuel for frustration. Ma T would be delighted with the likes of Clegg and Cameron with this increase in the tuition fees.

As for us, we were marching against the end of the grant system. It seemed that a lack of grants would mean no students from deprived areas or working class families would attend higher education courses. It seemed that university was doomed to be the place for those who could afford it, further polarising an already unequal society.

But then, to some extent, hasn’t it always been the case, and won’t it always be the case?

I didn’t attend a university. I chose to attend a polytechnic in a large British city. It wasn’t a popular place. There wasn’t anything particular about this institution. It was basically a bog standard place that I chose because of its proximity to my home.

I can remember meeting people during the ubiquitous Fresher’s Week and being fascinated and a little shocked at how many of my fellow new-folk had attended either private or grammar schools. It was alarming, and as I progressed through the first few months of college and met new people, the number of people educated in a selective institution seemed to grow. If this was the ratio at a small, incidental polytechnic in the heart of England, what was it like at the Russell group universities? Full of toffs?

In the 1980s, the student marches were restricted. We were allowed to march through the main part of the capital but only on a Saturday. If we wanted to demonstrate in the middle of the week, we were diverted “Sarf of the river!”

One such demonstration led us from goodness knows where to goodness knows where else, via the Elephant and Castle and down Kennington Lane. We ended up walking through some tennis courts in the park opposite the Oval; hardly the most prolific place, and certainly not the background for a rally that one would have hoped for, like the big demonstrations that you saw culminating in a festival spirit in Trafalgar Square.

I remember another march where we were so incensed at something that we decided to have a mass sit-down demonstration in the middle of Piccadilly. For the love of reason, I cannot remember what that particular fight was about but I can remember being frightened and intimidated by the police who were trying to move us on, but equally scared of the adrenalin rush that clouded my perspective and thrust me into doing something that was against my instinct.

Mass hysteria is a dangerous thing.

But then masses of people coming together for a cause of such magnitude is empowering. It is spiritually uplifting, and to go along with the masses in such instances feels the right thing to do.

Sometimes, being a hopeless idealist is a lonely place to be. Sometimes, when you fundamentally believe in something, you cannot understand why others do not see your point of view. Incredulity creeps in. Rationality often dissipates.

So when you find yourself amongst like-minded folk who resolutely agree with your standpoint, there is an incredible sense of togetherness and love for your fellow human beings, and sometimes that can force you into doing things that you may not have considered doing.

My first anti-apartheid rally was the most memorable.

Mandela was obviously still in prison. The shops at the polytechnic were devoid of Rowntree products and Barclay’s Bank was well and truly boycotted for their trading links with South Africa.

Loads of free coaches were laid on by the university and polytechnic and we travelled en masse to London where we congregated in Hyde Park. It was a crisp Autumn Saturday and the wealth of passion overwhelmed me.

Here were people from all over the country, giving up their Christmas shopping days to stand up and be counted, declaring their voice in a world that didn’t seem able to listen.

Over 150,000 people were gathered, according to police figures. Streams of people wandered around in every direction. I wish to goodness I had some photographs from that time as a reminder of what collective passion looks like and feels like.

The march ended in Trafalgar Square where we listened to the great speakers of the time as they shouted their condemnation across to the closed windows of the South African Embassy where hundreds of police were standing guard.

Would we make a difference? Would anyone ever listen to the injustice, the disgrace, the appalling lack of liberty that we could not even begin to imagine?

I suppose, as I stood there in 1985, I wasn’t sure that we were going to make any difference at all. The Soweto Riots continued. Stephen Biko had been dead for nearly ten years and if anything, South African extremism had got worse since his murder. Mandela was still rotting away in prison for all we knew. Our government at the time resolutely refused to participate in any sort of boycotting. The situation seemed hopeless.

And yet, a mere four years and three months after that rally, Nelson Mandela was released from Robben Island along with his compatriots, declaring a new future for South Africa that we, as people taking to the streets in that cold November, could never have envisaged.

So will the students who demonstrated on Wednesday make a difference? Will the decisions on tuition fees be altered? Will the demography of our higher education institutions dramatically change as an outcome of this inflationary action?

Nobody knows the answer but to sit still and do nothing seems an inappropriate course of action.

Mass demonstration has a purpose. It has a very significant purpose of telling the world and indeed yourself that there are people who care, that altruism is not dead.

I’ve never been to South Africa. I have no personal links with the place but I felt an urgent need to have my say about the injustice that I could clearly see there.

I went through college with a grant, albeit a pittance of one. My demonstration against those cuts was not for me but those who were coming after me. Why should they be saddled with enormous debts when I had had the right to a free education, something that I still believe should be the human right for all? Learning opens doors, creates life and purpose. That should be available to every person should they decide that this is what they want. And more investment in real education so that children can make informed decisions and want to learn so that they can ultimately make those decisions is equally required as a matter of urgency.

But then it has always been so; always been urgent and we are still living in an age where the lack of quality education restricts and inequality prevails.

Perhaps I should have been more proactive this week and joined the students in their hour of need.

It would certainly have been and interesting sort of regression therapy as I tried to recapture the feelings and emotions that I know I felt in those long distant decades ago.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Parent's Evening

Parent’s Evening

As a teacher, I used to love parents evening. I was seen as rather odd by my colleagues who all loathed this interaction and sharing of information and intrigue. But then again, maybe I had a different relationship with my children than some of them had.

As far as I was concerned, for the duration of the academic year, they were my children. That was not an ownership thing but I felt responsible for them, for their holistic development.

In many ways, parents evening was about meeting my other half, as simple as a couple going out for a meal and discussing the kids; their quirkiness, their cleverness, their concerns, their loveliness.

Well most of the time. There was obviously the odd child that I found difficult to warm to, which made perfect sense as soon as the parent came into school!

Of course, since becoming a parent, the shoe has been on the other foot.

Teachers are not the best parents at parents evening. They tend to drift into ‘shop’ talk despite trying hard not to. Well, at least I do, and I know that certain parents of mine have done exactly the same thing.

Sometimes, it is actually quite useful to declare your professional subjectivity because it cuts out the crap that some teachers can try and deliver.

I had one glorious parents evening at my son’s school once when I had made it perfectly clear that I was a teacher, partly to put the poor bloke at ease. As it happened, it had the opposite effect, unnerving him as he started to try and prove his own professional ability, explaining that my child should be using inference in his written analysis of poetry now. Nothing about him enjoying the bloody poems!

Not impressed!

Last week I had the ‘pleasure’ of attending my eldest son’s parents evening and I was suddenly struck by the weirdness of it. All of a sudden I had morphed into a combination of my parents and my son was the slightly alarmed, defensive person that I once was.

In actual fact, I think I was far more fearful of my parent’s reaction than my son was of mine, but I could hear myself saying the things that they might have said and I looked at my child with that horrible knowing look that they had given me, i.e. bright kid but oh how you could do more!

It was déjà vu time.

“He is a brilliant in conversation. His general knowledge is vast. He argues constructively when he is talking. He just needs to do that in his written work too. I cannot imagine why he cannot be so clear in his writing” said one teacher, and another, and another one after that.

The story of my life!

She talks so passionately about the subject. She knows her stuff. She infers very well. She analogises perfectly. Only she does none of the above on paper! It was my story too. So what do you say to a child who is stood in front of you, mirroring the very behaviour that meant you did not “achieve” as much as those around thought you were capable of?

Of course, at this point, in hindsight, I become all defensive. Why do we have to play these silly games all of the time? Why can’t we just rely on a child’s dialogue and ability to take their part in a reasoned debate to tick the bloody box that makes it abundantly clear that they “get it”?

My child can talk about every aspect of the development and destruction of the Weimar Republic. He can relate coalitions of the past to what is happening in the now. He can look at an old photograph and predict the changes that are in feasible in the future.

He didn’t have any major criticism from any of the teachers because he is an articulate, charming child who goes to the trouble of engaging them in conversation, being interested in them as people as well as respecting them as teachers. Aren’t these some of the more important skills that he will need in life rather than demonstrate this in an exam, the latter skills not exactly being examinable?

I know some would say, “but he needs the discipline”. He needs to understand that sometimes in life you have to do things that you don’t want to. Sometimes you have to show that you are capable of slogging long and hard.

I’m just not sure that boring a child into submission is the best way to do this. I’m not sure that disengaging a child through asking for writing recapitulation, who is avid and enthusiastic about talking his subject through, is actually the right way or indeed the right message to be conveying.

Do we really want our leaders of the future to be imbedded in books looking for the answers rather than feeling them, interacting with others and following their instincts rather than a guidebook that any dimwit could follow?

Anyway, when push comes to shove, he has to do it. If he wants to.

He talks about wanting to go to University for further study. That might not be a luxury that he can afford but then again, with so many people deciding that they cannot afford it in the future, then maybe he may be able to get in to the University of his choice with lower grades; rather like the Windsor kids who managed to find themselves on degree courses that other mere plebs had had to get 3As to study.

Or maybe he will be one of those who chooses not to go to University, hoping that they can get straight into the workforce, possibly learning “on the job”. But isn’t that going to be a ridiculously competitive market, in which case, we are back to those grades because it is these quantitative qualifications that seem to be the only indicator of a person’s worth.

Every which way you turn, it seems that there is only one answer, and that is to study at the expense of all else in life to get the grades that will open the doors, with a spot or seven of money as well.

There’s no time now for his love of planes, trains and automobiles or looking at history that is not on his curriculum merely something that he is interested in. There is no time to explore the philosophical questions in life and to appreciate the closeness of friendship just at the time when friendships overtake the bond of parent and child.

There is no time, just exams and pushy parents going against everything they believe in because they are as much caught in the system as the child itself.

I am hopeful though. I was at school in the first years of Thatcherism when my parents thought that the world was doomed, which it was, where they thought that there was no way they would be able to put another child through university.

I am also hopeful because although I did not necessarily achieve the academic status that many suggested I was capable of, I haven’t done too badly. I managed to pursue the career of my choice and I have branched out into areas that I did not expect to.

I have a creative future that is there for the taking, and it is the human skills and the values that I keep dear to my heart that will take me there, not the A-Levels or the degree for which I slovenly studied.

Maybe there is hope for him after all.

And then there was a tinge of light.

With some of the teachers we discussed the potential of him studying the subject for A-Level.

“Oh he has the capability” they all said. “Whether he has the will.......” was obviously another matter.

They talked about organisational skills and self-motivation, both of which he does probably need to look at more carefully. And then they talked about independent learning.

“I can do that!” he responded excitedly, and indeed he can.

Here is a child who independently skim-read “The Long Walk to Freedom” when he was directed to do some research for a project on Nelson Mandela. He never wrote a thing down but could talk through all the intricacies of the development of the African National Congress and the law firm that Tambo and Mandela established. Every detail, the whys and wherefores and an opinion to boot. He could offer it all.

Wasn’t this what independent learning was about?

He could independently research on the development of the train system in this country, quoting Trevithik to Dr. Beeching. He knows every viaduct and every inch of the remaining steam transport system in the country. Hasn’t that been done through independent learning?

He is massively knowledgeable about stories in the news. He’s knows politicians by their names and their roles and can argue and debate the smaller details of economic policy. He has done this through conversation and independent learning.

So of course he thinks he can do “independent learning”.

But like the big, bad ogre who finally admits to her children that Father Christmas does not exist, I had to tell him that what his teacher was talking about wasn’t really independent learning at all.

What they were actually talking about was motivating oneself to do work on one’s own, but within the constraints of a prescribed curriculum. The independence of the learning could include reading around a subject but not veering away from it.

It’s not really independent learning. And to make matters worse, the ‘purpose’ of this independent learning is to actually improve the grade of the narrow subject that you have chosen to study at A-Level.
Back to those grades again.

Poor kid. I could feel his despondency because what this school and about 99% of the schools in the country are offering is not in line with his idea of what and how to learn. He should probably have been born in Greek times when learning was done through the outdated art of dialogue.

That is where this child should be. That is how he learns the best, not with exercises and essays.

So, what will he choose as his specialised subjects (at the age of 16 when he really knows what he wants to do in life – not!).

Who knows – but I suggest there are a few more parents evenings to contend with before I can hug him, pat him on the back and send him into the big wide world where hopefully, one day, and please let it be soon, that he can return to the joys of self-learning and be appreciated for the very capable human being that he is.

Friday, 5 November 2010

The Beeb and Strikes

The News and Pensions

The Beeb have had their problems.

They pay their chief bods an astronomical amount of money but this probably pales into insignificance when you look at what Wayne Rooney does by comparison.

The Beeb have been severely criticised this week for mistakenly reporting that some of the funds raised from Band Aid had possibly got into the wrong hands and been used to supply arms.

I’d have quite liked to have been a fly on the wall when Sir Bob found out about that one.

Michael Grade was as passionate as I had ever heard him on “Today” earlier in the week. He was seething and very prepared to lambast his previous employers.

The Beeb could be criticised for some of the dross that they have served up in the name of family entertainment sometimes, but then so can the other lot, and that is before you get onto the BSkyB lot.

But what a day it has been without the BBC news!

I almost forgive them anything.

I woke this morning to the sounds of Radio Four as I do every morning. Wishing for more sleep made me hit the snooze button before I had absorbed the fact that there was no John or Evan or Justin to greet me into the morning.

It was only when I realised that I was listening to Matthew Parris banging on about Churchill that I finally woke up to the fact that I had been duped, and there was something seriously wrong with the world.

Wandering downstairs, I did not expect to see Sian and Bill as it was a Friday but there was no smug Charlie or the gorgeous Susannah either; just some bloke who looked as though he had been brought in from the street to present the faux BBC Breakfast programme.

Oh well, an opportunity to just take a look at this Daybreak programme on ITV and see what all the negative fuss was about.

Oh dear, the very first view that I got was Peter Andre waving kuddly kisses to his Princess Tisha Tasha Globby Pops or whatever she is called.

This was a serious disaster!

As the day progressed it did not get any better. In fact, I didn’t even attempt to watch television news or tune into the radio. In times like these, the only serious place that you could get some news was at the Guardian website. The red flashes of breaking news saved the day.

But it is not quite the same.

A few years ago, at a time of extreme distress, my family laughed over a comment on Ceefax which said “News 24 – will it ever end?” in all seriousness.

Well, dear contributor. It ended today, well at least as we know it.

Later on in the day, with a distinct lack of visual stimulation, I decided to switch onto ITN. It was almost as spectacularly disappointing as the attempt in the morning. In fact, I could have been watching the same programme.

In all seriousness, ITN can actually produce a decent programme. They manage it perfectly well on Channel 4, which is more than a professional outlet most of the time but I miss the BBC. I miss Huw Edwards! I miss the conformity of the schedule. Perhaps I am more conservative and stuck in my ways than I thought.

I could go on and discuss the rights and wrongs of striking but that is probably another story.

And for those who are interested, I think everyone should have the right to strike.

What is interesting is that this is only the first of many as people finally begin to realise the impact of slashes and cuts on their pensions.

One might argue that it is hardly the altruistic strikes of years gone by where consideration for future generations was at the heart of strike action but it is still a plausible concern.

The BBC today and other public sector workers tomorrow.

The BBC’s pension is known to be generous and one cannot blame people for wanting to maintain it, if that is what they signed up to. Apparently, the deficit in the corporation’s pension budget is between £1.5bn and £2bn.

That is scary money. That is a deficit that is beyond my comprehension but might seem even palatable compared with the public sector and services industry pension problems.

This is one big scary world at the moment for those of us who are not reliant or likely to ever inherit anything substantial.

And it doesn’t stop with pensions. What about the other end of the spectrum where young people cannot even amass enough money to buy or even rent a home? What about those people who are not now going to be able to afford university education because they cannot stomach the £30K that they will have to repay for the duration of the sixty years of working? What about the poor sods who are desperate for an apprenticeship which is a rare enough thing today and will be more so as people finally realise that further academic education is not the be-all-and –end-all form of life after school?

I’m not an economist. I barely understand what it all about but I am for fairness and honesty, which is why I find all of this so very frightening.

I just hope my beloved BBC will be back on air on Sunday to help me progress with my learning on this subject.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

The Journey

The Journey

8.44: The start of the journey.

The train is going north; thirty three minutes to traverse the city. Queues on the road are apparently backed up all the way into another county. I’m sitting smugly in the next station writing this.

It feels good.

We’re all on a journey – with no intercourse apparently. Nobody would dream of speaking to you and asking where you are going or start a philosophical conversation. Perhaps they ought to put an existential comment on that red flashing message board to get everyone thinking. If only they had time to pick their heads off the floor.

All these people, embroiled in their own lives, oblivious to the company other than a fleeting glance away from their papers or the omnipresent mobile devices that eradicate the tedium of a daily trip.

Next station. We’re all on a journey.

I love travelling on trains. Perhaps it is the certainty, with tracks laid and no possible diversion other than a huge catastrophic calamity. Yet I love the freedom of my car too; such liberty that I could never have envisaged. Sometimes we need guidance on our journey. Other times we need to travel freely, independently, exploring places that we did not know existed and would never be able to find unless we divert away from the course that has been set. I wonder about the places that I pass through that I may never divert towards.

The Metro newspaper is still popular – more snippets of life. More journeys.

Suits in trainers, blue ones at that. Stieg Larsson still dominates the literary communte. “The Girl Who Played With Fire”.

Don’t we all on our journeys?

A new station. This area is the new bohemia according to local artists, poets and the like. Vegetarian bistros are popping up, with cafe culture in full flow, spilling prams and yummy mummy’s onto the crowded pavements.

I started my teaching career here in a school that nobody wanted to be in. Its soul was very well hidden. I wonder what it is like now.

Alight here for the college, says the announcement. Fresh faced hopefuls alight.

What are they teaching them at college these days? How are these people continuing on their professional journey? Is the college optimistic, revolutionary, visionary? Or is it a college that is churning out a factory fodder of automatons who will resolutely adhere to the ill advised governance of the day?

Vince Cable keeps saying that his party had to join a coalition “for the good of the country”. It’s almost become his mantra like the character in the “House of Cards” – “ You may say that. I couldn’t possibly comment”. It’s as though he is trying to persuade himself as well as us that he had chosen the right pathway, the correct journey. Will he be true to his values? Can they be maintained? Is governance all that he hoped?

Sarah Keys? Whatever happened to Sarah Keys? I wonder what they are all doing now, where their journeys have taken them; Cecil, Sarah and baby Fleur. Was that her name?

Mass exodus at the next station. The suit with blue trainers has gone, as has the young woman next to me who struggled to avert her eyes from what I was writing; my cursive style becoming deliberately more erratic as the journey progressed, shielding my thoughts from wandering eyes.

How often do we shield our thoughts on our journey? How often do we let go?

How often are we honest enough with the people that we care about?

Next stop. Nothing happens here. More life changes, I suppose.

According to statistics, as a male, you are likely to die seventeen years earlier here than in other parts of the city. Why is that? Short journeys in this neck of the woods. Do short journeys mean less thinking time?

Into the new life. Journeys along.

Passing through places where people were ill prepared to journey into advanced technology. Badly handled.

Fuck Murdoch. Seems Vince Cable is trying to.

Light and dark on this journey, just as in life. Best to embrace and deal with both extremes.

I wish I could take my camera out of my bag and capture some of the solemnity on this train?

Is the world really this horrible?

What joy have we forgotten to grasp?

MUST go to that museum. MUST do that!

Do earphones mute everything? Do they cut out and disconnect? Or are they used to provide time for meditation or be an enabler for floating off into nothingness? Do they reverberate with passion and appreciation of a musical delight particular to one person?

Why are they announcing security issues at this station? Is it a particularly dangerous area? Are there more pick-pockets per square mile here than anywhere else in the vicinity?

There’s lots of trainers. Everyone is wearing trainers. Suit Number 2 alights here. He’s been staring at me. People who write probably need to be stared at. Weirdos.

What do all these people do? Where are they going? Am I going to meet them again on another journey, a longer one?

It’s bright outside. Silver cars, silver buildings capture and reflect the light. White tags. Unusual buildings. Less people now.

What is happening here today? Anything? Or does a Thursday at the beginning of November have nothing special to offer?

I suddenly wish I was in the West Country for a few days of recuperation; reading, writing, walking, talking, hugging, sleeping.

Where did that suddenly come from?

The penultimate stop – this means that this miniscule journey in my life is nearly over.

But are journeys ever over? Should they be? Shouldn’t we always be travelling?

The place is full of yellow brick, smothered by centuries of dirt.

I like bricks. They tell good stories.

Arrived. Partial arrival and time for a walk.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

Restore Sanity

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/oct/31/rally-restore-sanity-jon-stewart-washington

“If your beliefs fit on a sign, think harder”

“Starve the Daily Show of material”

“I respectfully disagree with your opinions but I still value you as a person”

“Hide ur kidz, hide ur wivez, hide ur huzban caus they keepin fear alive in here”

“I fought the Nazis and they don’t look like Obama”

“Pasta fearing Americans”

“Frustrated Arizonans Reject Tea”

“Spelling C(o)unts. Get a brain morans”

“Cheney still sucks right?”

“I have a PHD in horribleness”

Just a selection of some of the signs seen at the Restore Sanity And/Or Fear Rally that was held in the USA yesterday.

Dependent upon who you believe, there were a quarter of a million Americans gathered together in the State capitol for the rally. This thankfully dwarfed the people who attended Glenn Beck’s rally in August.

Jon Stewart decided to rally for sanity because he wanted to demonstrate that there was sanity in the USA. He felt that the voice of reason was not getting the sort of coverage it deserved whilst other people in the country, including the scary Tea Party brigade, were getting mass coverage with their gobby, fearful form of politics effusing from their mouths.

Eclectic in the extreme, people massed together from all corners and regions of the State. They brought with them a party atmosphere and declared support for all manner of silly causes and all manner of absolute reason.

Stewart implied that there was no political purpose to this rally, that it was bipartisan and not trying to support any particular stance. All he and other organisers wished for was that a voice of reason was portrayed and that the media would have to cover this to prove that the USA was not full of redneck racists who are out for themselves and nobody else.

Sadly, just as in this country and I daresay countries throughout the world, there are far too many people who are out for themselves and nobody else. There are millions of people who do not give a toss about the world, about people, about education, about sense and reason, about the destructive way we are spreading insanity across nation after nation.

“If your beliefs fit on a sign, think harder” was one sign on the rally.

I rather like that because I couldn’t possibly fit my beliefs onto one sign or even into one manifesto. I like to think that “respect” is at the heart of my beliefs; value in others as well as an appreciation of myself but sometimes things get in the way and crazy fucked up thoughts and triggers intervene. However, it can be that simple; respect, valuing oneself, giving and receiving.

What many people have not appreciated and cannot accept is that giving is at the heart of relationships, is at the core of life, be it a relationship between two lovers or a relationship between the state and the individual within. Selflessness is important but not at the expense of the individual.

Selfishness has no place in society when it is to the detriment of others, and usually the majority.

Is this the sort of reason that Stewart was trying to show? That restoration of sanity means looking closely at the way we all interact with one another and how we give value to the thoughts and concerns of others as our greatest need?

That is certainly something that was lost in the Thatcher and Reagan years, and was continued with the subsequent leaders of our “great” nations.

“Can one govern the nation with all the right actions and really love the people?

Can one always make a decision with the right mind?”

I certainly don’t think Blair and Bush could.

Of course, this is all somewhat heavier and philosophical than the pantomime style rally of yesterday. But let us not forget that Jon Stewart is an intelligent, thoughtful man who does not write his scripts in isolation of all rational thought. He knows damn fine that he has a following that can create action, as has been proved by this rally. He genuinely does want a restoration of reason, however it is clowned up, and with that reason there has to be a genuine concern for others and a prevalence of lovingkindness that is at the core of democratic governance.

But then I was always a dreamer.

...............................................................................................................................................

So what sign would I have made for the rally if I had been fortunate enough to attend?

Would I have gone for a witty one that is probably beyond my capability? Or would I have banged the drum for the sort of education that I feel is necessary in this world? Would I have opted for a deeply philosophical one quoting people that are far more intelligent and grounded than I? Would I have made a stance against the horrors of global indifference?

Returning to the quoted placard, there are so many causes that I believe in, it would be hard to choose. Just looking at the headlines and stories covered in the Andrew Marr show today makes me want to get the paint out. Thank goodness for passion!

Perhaps that is it! Perhaps there should be a rally notice that has something to do with passion because as well as valuing, giving and respect, that is a pretty essential part of life.

Or maybe, I should just take a stance from Harriet Harman’s book of political correctness and have a banner saying “Danny Alexander is a Scot, and I respect him for that”.

But passion is important and it is the driver for something like the “Restore Sanity” rally. Stewart is clearly a passionate man. His political stance is steeped in passion as is his desire to educate the nation with his humorous take on the world.

So to conclude this short piece of writing perhaps yesterday my banner would have been something simple and vastly complicated, urging the world to consider because I’m just not witty enough to have a clever pun in mind.

“I want Passion” and let the people decide what that actually means.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

Who I Think I Am Today

Libby Purves sometimes has some interesting guests on the Midweek slot on Radio Four. It’s not like the television chat shows that are full of Z list celebrities who have nothing to offer other The merely use the media of television to showcase their next piece of junk that is going to earn them a hefty and sometimes undeserved fortune.

Libby and, I assume, her producers, manage to choose a good mixture of people and the minutes of transmission usually glide along with ease as each of the guests carefully link in with one another, sometimes on a tenuous link and other times quite obviously.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a couple of people on the programme who had lost their son to a brutal murder in Surrey.

Christopher Donovan was walking home, singing an Oasis song. He was eighteen years old and was set upon by a gang who attacked him harshly and “took penalty kicks” with his head. Left for dead at the side of a street, he was hit by a passing car and dragged along the road. His parents were contacted and forthwith went to the hospital where they learned that he had severe brain damage. An hour later, he was dead.

Like Jimmy Mizzen’s parents, the Donovan’s are Christians. Vi explained how she felt when her husband, on leaving the hospital that night, said that they must forgive the perpetrators of the murder. She said that she screamed at him in disbelief that he could even utter such preposterous words let alone act on them. But she changed her mind. She explained how she was “hanging onto pain” that “took me to depths of hell.”

It did nothing to ease anything, she said. I was destroying me, she continued.

“Forgiveness has to be a choice”.

Like Jimmy Mizzen’s parents, Ray and Vi Donovan could not rest on doing nothing. They decided that it was all very well saying that they wanted forgiveness but they also needed to physically do something about it. They therefore embarked on a programme of visits to prisons, working with some troubled souls on a project called the Sycamore Tree.

http://www.pfi.org/cjr/stp

I assume it was due to their involvement in this that they were asked to participate in the judging of the annual Koestler Awards.

http://www.koestlertrust.org.uk/

ART BY OFFENDERS
Curated for the first time by victims of crime Art
by Offenders, Secure Patients and Detainees is the Koestler Trust's 49th annual UK exhibition and the third of a flourishing artistic partnership with the Southbank Centre.

The exhibition is given a powerful new perspective this year through a ground-breaking group curating project. The seven curators are people from the London area whose lives have been changed by serious offences against them or their families. With training from both the Southbank Centre and Turner Prize-winning artist, and Southbank Centre Artist-in-Residence, Jeremy Deller, the volunteers have gained curating skills, selected the exhibits from thousands and designed the look of the exhibition. They have also created contextual texts and will give talks and tours to the public, sharing their experiences of working on this project.

They duly met with five other victims of crime to sort through the 5000 entries and wheedle it down to 150. These winning pieces were then to be exhibited at London’s Royal Festival Hall.

The Koestler Awards has been running for 49 years. According to the brochure picked up at the Festival Hall, it states that,

“Every exhibit has been created by a prisoner, an offender of a community sentence, a patient in a secure psychiatric hospital, an immigration detainee or a UK citizen in custody oversees. The works here are all submitted to the 2010 Koestler Awards – a charitable scheme which has been rewarding artistic achievement across the penal and secure sector for 48 years.

This annual exhibition represents the third year of an artistic collaboration between the Koestler Trust and Southbank Centre. Each year the selection of exhibits from the Koestler Awards entries is made through a unique group curating process. This year for the first time victims of crime have been invited to curate the exhibition which represents the creativity of offenders from the perspective of people deeply affected by crime”.

“Coming to the exhibition is one day out of 365 when I feel proud of my son” comments one parent of an exhibited artist.

Tragic.

So the seven victims of crime met together to sort out which of the 5000 pieces were going to be exhibited. Ray said he wanted none of this weird art stuff and then went on to choose items that were exceptionally contemporary.

He explained his reaction to some of the pieces.

There was one painting of a prisoner’s first night in the cells, an incredible piece of art, where the artist has captured the fear of the newcomer as he walks along the long corridors with faceless or rather eyeless people staring at him as he is marched through. There is an air of intense ugliness and discomfort. You cannot see the face of the newcomer because you become him as he walks along. You become him as you look along the corridor to these anonymous people with blackened out eyes.

Ray said he liked this piece because of the emotions that it conveyed. “There was no future in their eyes; powerful”, he said.

But of course, he believes that there can be “future in their eyes” which is why he has a fundamental belief in the need for creativity as part of a character reformation. He explained how one person in prison was so violent, disruptive, aggressive – all the scariest forms of humanity in one man. Then he was given a paintbrush and some paper and he miraculously transformed overnight. It happens.

Vi reiterates this when she states “I never realised before how important art is to prisoners’ self-esteem and maybe their future”.

And of course the joy for these curators is that they too learn to appreciate art more as well. One of their fellow curators said that having done this curatoring, “Everywhere I look, I see art”.

The other joy for me is that the artistry was not restricted to just paintings. Vi mentioned that there was a piece of writing from one person who had never been able to write prior to the support that he had in prison. In trying to demonstrate what the Koestler Trust opportunity had given him he stated that it had given him dignity, self-worth and he wanted others to know that art could do this, had done this for him.

...................................................................

It was a pleasant day weather-wise yesterday; not exactly a perfect Autumn day but there seemed to be a glimmer of hope that the sunshine would finally overcome its cover.

I got off the bus at the Old GLC building, now transformed into some conglomerate hotel with no personality and no identity other than the booming sound of the quarter strikes from St. Stephen’s Tower. I assume that once in there you could be anywhere in the world.

For me, it will always be associated with London’s former glory as far as self-management is concerned. The one and only time I have ever entered into the building was when I went for my interview with the glorious and frequently misrepresented and misunderstood ILEA.

Great long corridors of solid oak; a testament to something great that no longer exists. I trust that the Marriott group did not rip these out in hasty modernisation.

The London Eye was full of tourists. No surprise there really and I am not going to complain about it either. Not here anyway because the stationing of this big wheel has breathed a new life into this area that was sadly lacking for many a decade.

It has never ceased to amaze me how few people use the river in the same was as Parisian’s use the Seine. The fact that there is mile upon mile of free walkways across the length of the Southbank seems to have escaped the notice of most Londoners and even now, it is foreign accents and languages that you here. One suspects that there are very few who actually live in London who frequent this place on a regular basis.

On days like this it is important to look, to look properly, sometimes for the first time, sometimes with new eyes, eyes that are not blackened out, eyes that are blackened but need an awakening.

For others, it was probably just a walk but I was armed with camera in the hope of finding something new, something worthwhile that would lead me in different direction.

Cameras are great like that; they are like a walking Wikipedia. You hold them in your hand and you don’t know where they are going to take you. You snap away and when you get the images home, they lead you into places you had no idea that you were going to explore.

Well, they do for me anyway.

Take the “London Pride” statue by Frank Dobson – wiki has a link of course.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Frank_Dobson_London_Pride_Southbank.jpg

Dobson died in 1963 and Gay Pride was borne out of the 1969 Stonewall riots, so I wondered why this piece was called “London Pride”? Was it just a coincidence or was it named in 1987 when it was brought to the Southbank by his widow? Or am I just assuming the use of the word “pride” because the sculpture is of two women, naked on a plinth? Am I assuming their sexuality?

Of course, if you are wiki-searching with a name like Frank Dobson your first port of call appears to be the Labour MP who stood for Mayor of London against Ken Livingstone; not quite what I was looking for but it brought back a few memories!

As I said, it’s always good to go for a wander in your mind and not just rest with looking.

Next along route there were the books.

There is a wonderful shop just near Notre Dame in Paris, called “Shakespeare and Company”

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/mar/07/shakespeare-and-company-bookshop-paris

It was set up probably with all the philanthropic reasons in the world but has to some extents been taken over by the world of tourism. Anyhow, when I am in Paris, I still muse away a few minutes wandering around the stalls of books that are placed out on the pathway of that particular area of the Left Bank.

Some bright spark has obviously decided to emulate this on our very own Southbank now that it has finally come to life. There’s a wide collection of books and I looked on with a casual enthusiasm to see if my eyes or my fingers would magically displace the book of my dreams.

It didn’t happen but there is always a hope that it could do so in the future.

The books were somewhat overpriced and will probably fetch the asking price because then you can go home and announce that you bought the book on the riverbank, all boho and beautiful.

There’s a price in everything.

The skateboarders and bikers were out in excessive presence too with their area of particular interest, all tagged with an incredible collection of graffiti to accompany these street-kids as they whizzed their bikes up and down the concrete pathways and slopes. Again, being somewhat cynical, I wondered whether these kids actually did live in the estates around the Southbank or whether they had been shipped in from Surrey and dressed up to look like natives for the tourists.

Poor street-performing statues! Since watching “Gavin and Stacey” when Nessa went and did her silver statue bollocks in the centre of Barry (ironic because Barry has no centre), I will never be able to take them seriously, not that I paid them that much attention beforehand. But I do admire their ability to be still and silent in a world that is sheer madness in front of them.

One couple were dressed in silver sprayed 16th century costume. The man was moving around a little, every now and again. Clearly the codpiece is not something that likes to be in one position all the time, but the woman was totally still with her eyes closed, pretending to be reading a book.

I wonder where she really was.

A Blue Man was playing the Blues. Covered from head to toe in a glaringly bright blue, including his guitar, he strummed away and let people delve into their pockets for the small splashes of coinage with which they were willing to part with.

He nodded his head with acknowledgement and continued to play, lost in his music, looking unconcerned as to whether anyone was actually bothering to listen.

Good for him!

(I lost the photo of the Blue Man whilst trying to download this - don't quite know how to get it back. Need help!)

The Haywood Gallery offered an exhibition from a Canadian artist called Ron Terada

http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/find/hayward-gallery-and-visual-arts/other-art-on-site/tickets/ron-terada-who-i-think-i-am-1000054

It was named “Who I think I am”.

I looked around and really searched but probably not hard enough because today I didn’t really want to think of who I think I am.

Bit too painful.

Though I still thought about it all day and as I sat in the quietened room with nothing but an image of a record player and three black bean bags, I realised that I couldn’t sit there for much longer.

Another day perhaps.










And so to the main reason why I was here, looking at that art that was mentioned on the Midweek programme a couple of weeks ago.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b00v1qlt/Midweek_06_10_2010 14 minutes 54 seconds, if anyone wants to listen.


I am astounded that people are so in awe of such exhibitions. Not astounded that they like the art – some of it is exceptionally good but I am astounded that people are somehow shocked that art can be this transformational presence in the lives of people who are allegedly beyond change.

Just as forgiveness is choice, said Ray and Vi Donovan, then so too is making that choice to change. It is nobody else’s hands. I know.

So why are people so shocked by the incredible power of the creative?

Why are people surprised that by producing something of value, even if it is only to the person who is actually doing the painting or writing the story, can be so uplifting?

Remember what that person said about being able to write? It gave them self-worth.

I haven’t been locked in a literal prison at any point in my life but I have shut the door and encased myself in a self-imposed cell on various occasions. For years, I have been there without writing. Now, I can open up the door occasionally and get some value and some self-worth in what I produce.

I deliberately searched for this writing, and am now kicking myself for not buying the book. I shall return this week and buy it.

The man was dyslexic; properly dyslexic not the version when a middle class child hasn’t learned to read by the time they are two and a half.

He described the affliction brilliantly; how he could see all the forms of the letters and how the pictures sometimes helped to give meaning but as soon as he put the letters together into what you and I would see as a full word, they just jumped around the page, drifting below the line of writing, or twisting themselves in a direction that gave them no meaning.

He was twenty nine before he learned to read and write. Now he has a voice for the first time in his life.

What an incredible difference the world outside is going to be once the opportunity arises for him to take advantage of this new self-worth of his. Let’s hope there is a welfare system to support him by the time he leaves prison.

People wrote lovely notes on post-it notes, using words and phrases like “thank you” “art brings hope” “oasis” “grateful” “inspiring” “beautiful” “fantastic” “truly incredible”.

One comment said that it was an “emotional experience seeing all this – art rarely does this for me!”

Another said “proof that art can heal”.

Another said “I went to see 10 million sunflower seeds but this was way more inspiring”.

Hope and inspiration featured strongly.

I am not belittling these comments and I take nothing away from the feeling and the spiritual intelligence that these voyeurs were experiencing. I think it is fantastic that people should be touched in this way. I am just a little saddened that they are still shocked by it, that they still feel it is an incredible surprise that finding your own form of creativity can do so much for a person.

If only more people could see this more quickly.

This exhibition and the art within it is part of a reform programme. Art, in whatever form, has been brought to these offenders of those in captivity, to heal, to make them feel better about themselves, to be used as some form of repatriation into the world of the feeling and the concerned.

If people can see its benefits as part of a restorative programme, why can they not see the value in its preventative prospects – working on creativity in our schools before these people become the downcast and the forgotten?

Just makes you think really.

As for the art, well, there were one or two interesting pieces. There were some brilliant pieces. There were some that astounded me, some that I was indifferent to, some that I would like to have explored further.

Art is such an individual thing. It opens all sorts of avenues of thought and feeling, some that you do not want to travel into, others that you want to be amongst forever.

The fact that this exhibition just happened to be by prisoners shouldn’t really vary in that respect. I cannot like all of the pieces in the exhibition just because I feel pleased that the artist has found his or her voice. I don’t expect my readers (?) to like everything that I write. There are times when it doesn’t work, for them, even if it works for me.

I was moved to tears sometimes, but that is also about what art does to generate your current state of being.

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What now?

Coming out of the exhibition I sat alone for a while in the vast space that is the Festival Hall.

Looking at people. Watching their lives for a short while, not meaning to intrude but just looking and sharing even if they didn’t know I was there.

I wandered across Hungerford Bridge and back on the safe territory of the Northern Bank.

I wonder why they don’t refer to the North side of the river as the North bank. Perhaps it is because the Embankment has its own name and its own importance – and of course, it is North of the River; a different experience altogether.

Back to the tourists. Whilst on the Southside, I embraced them, on the north, I loathed them.

I’ve decided that I don’t like crowds. They scare me. Well they did yesterday.

I was frightened by the masses, all chuntering away, getting in front of, behind and on my feet. Leicester Square seems to have lost its soul, if indeed it had one in the first instance.

The place is a zoo; a rowdy, tawdry zone where huge fairground attractions have sprung up demolishing any sense of the “Square” in which they have been allowed to plonk themselves. It is utterly disgusting and that is before you get to the boisterous revoltingness of the people within, let alone the excruciating experience of listening to "Careless Whisper" being murdered by a saxophonist. I mean, how can you murder an already fatally wounded song?

I’d gone there because I thought I might lose myself in the cinema. I’ve never been to the cinema at Leicester Square and thought perhaps I ought but the prices and the timings of the films put me off, let alone the content.

There were two films that I thought I would like to see but neither was available for me, so I turned instead to alcohol.

I found a bar and just sat enjoying a cocktail or two in the middle of Covent Garden, another place never to be visited other than off season and not on a weekend.

From there, I walked to Trafalgar Square, delightfully free of the flying rats, and walked down the Mall towards Victoria station where I met up with my son.

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I didn’t know when I got up that I would be walking in town today, and in some ways that is a pleasant experience.

I did the same this morning. I started my day in the same way. I went to the park and sat in the car.

And I waited for something to come my way.

It didn’t but that is okay. It will.

I didn’t know when I listened to the radio a couple of weeks ago, that I would find myself at the exhibition that I had heard about there. I didn’t know I would be searching Wikipedia in directions that I could not have imagined.

I wonder where Nick Clegg will take me as I explore his Desert Island Discs with him right now.