Acronyms

I’ve never been a big fan of acronyms. It’s indicative of the contrived simplification that has overtaken our world, with L*R and LOL and PMSL. But I suppose there is some creativity in these made-up words that so many teenagers rely on now to communicate with one another.

FINE is my favourite: fucked off, insecure, neurotic and emotional.

I’m fine, people say but what they really mean is more akin to the acronym of despondency. Fine, they say but they are hiding their true feelings behind this insipid word that has little meaning.

Of course sometimes they really are fine and they are content and perfectly at one with their world and themselves and they really are fine, in that moment.

But what it they’re not? They still say “I’m fine” when all sorts of misgivings and concerns underwrite this expression.

I’m fine at the moment, but which one?

If I’m being completely honest, it’s probably both; ever changing with the prevailing wind, ever fluctuating according to circumstance and company.

And that is fine. Ho ho!

It is fine, it is absolutely as it is and as it should be, to oscillate with the flow of the tide and the rush of the wind.
One of the most important things that we should all learn about life is that change is omnipresent and that change doesn’t have to be a life-changing, shattering or enticing experience. Change can be something that happens to us every day, all day if we are enlightened enough to accept it positively, or as it is.

People fear change with such force in a manner that they should fear the absolute opposite. And in fearing change, small change, little changes that are not necessarily as significant as they think, they are in grave danger of enabling the more frightening changes to actually happen: a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

So I suppose it is fine to be fine but one should always be mindful that ‘fine’ can and should fluctuate.

But what if?

“If”: such a little word, so incidental as we use it daily.
But what does ‘if’ mean?

‘If’ implies doubt. ‘If’ implies possibilities. ‘If’ portrays transience. ‘If’ opens imagination both good and not so. ‘IF’ is an acronym in itself but what is that acronym?

What if? I think sometimes.
What ‘if’ things change irrepairably?

What ‘if’ I can’t cope with change when I know I should embrace all change with the graciousness it deserves?
WHAT IF?

In the context, ‘if’ can be a dangerous little word because within ‘if’ lies the acronym: insecure and fearful.

These ‘if’s are borne out of these two dangerous and destructive feelings, and indeed emotions. Our insecurities are manifestations of the emotion of fear, and as we all know there is no purpose in this emotion other than instilling more uncomfortable feelings.

What do I fear in life?
I’m frightened of flying, or have been for the majority of my life but what is the point of being so fearful? At worst, the big lump of metal will fall from the sky with me contained within it. I’ll know very little about it after the initial horror so why bother worrying when all it does is prevent you from getting on with life and travelling the world?

I’m frightened of fluttering things; birds, moths and fish. Oh yes, they fly alright! I’ve seen them and once they’re out of the water, they flap around uncontrollably, sending me into a complete dither! But what precisely are these animals going to do to me other than give me an instance of discomfort that is gone as soon as it has happened? What is the point in such an irrational fear?

What if I were to lose something so precious that I feel I could not live a fulfilled life without it? The same irrationality applies. In perpetually fearing, one is already living and unfulfilled life, only a slightly different lack of fulfilment than the one you initially feared.
There is no point. Fear is not just a destructive emotion, it is a useless one too.

Insecurity is equally pointless because like fear of change, it can become self-fulfilling.

How many of us have suffered from insecurity in relationships only to find that the constant insecurity brings about the very change in a relationship that we are most insecure about.

It is all pointless.

So why do we do it? Why do we fill our lives with ‘what ifs’ when we know that they have the habit of filling our thoughts and indeed our lives to the point of destruction? Why do we do the ‘what if’s’?

The enlightened of course don’t. They recognise the fact that there is no purpose in the ‘if’

. They understand that the ‘if’ gets in the way of them living life to the full and in the moment.

Is this reckless? Is this thoughtless? Is this lacking in empathy or even compassion?

There is a huge difference between complacency and indifference compared with non-attachment and living within the moment, and that is sometimes hard to grasp and frequently misconstrued.

It isn’t that the enlightened have no ‘if’s. It isn’t that they are detached from the ‘if’s of the most important people in their lives. It is just that they know the futility of lingering on an if. They understand that it can get in the way of real living, real loving, real compassion.

It isn’t that they don’t care. It isn’t that they haven’t considered the ‘if’ but they are not going to let their lives be determined by it. They release the ‘if’ acronym into the place where it belongs; transient and forgotten before it consumes the present with doubt.

This is where I want to be and this, I hope, is where my path is leading, and this is what I am going to consider next time an ‘if’ rises in my mind. That is not to say that I am going to be successful but I am going to try.

It is not to dismiss the ‘if’ altogether. Blatantly disregarding all possibilities, both hopeful and worrying could bring one into a world of unbearable fantasy. One cannot possibly dismiss all ‘ifs’ for if one did, the potential downfall from an ever-present high could be a tumble too far. One should never be complacent. All possibilities, all if’s should be seen for their yin and their yang, making them neither too hopeful or too worrisome.

Which neatly brings me to an alternative ‘if’. I don’t know what the answer is to this for after many days of thinking about it, I would like to offer an alternative to the ‘insecure’ and the ‘ fearful’ IF, that reflects more aptly the Way.

IF: intense feeling? It doesn’t really fit and now I am grasping around for a more positive ‘I’s and ‘F’s to put in place of the destructive ones.
IF: incalculable future? Is there such a word as incalculable but I am getting closer to where I want to be, for we cannot calculate the future, however much we would like to in order to eradicate the negative ‘if’s.

Perhaps it is more of an ‘ef’ than an ‘if’, embracing futures, without fear, without insecurity, with and without hope, with and without anticipation.

What if? Let it be.

But it seriously helps if honesty and trust prevails. Truth may hurt but it is necessary to help sort out the ‘what ifs’.

Talking of acronyms, a story comes to mind of another favourite of mine, well two actually, and both have a vein of Zen truth within them.

The first is FIFO; not even a real word but one that makes me giggle with memory. FIFO is a little harsh and there are parts of such a phrase that are so removed from the Way that it is barely worth mentioning in this context.
FIFO: fit in or fuck off.
I had a boss who said it from time to time when he was exasperated by peoples’ inflexibility.

It’s not exactly zen-like, and it is certainly not the Way to fit in to other peoples’ Way if you lose yourself as part of the process. But there is a message here about adaption, of flexibility, of strength in embracing change, and if one cannot do that, then it is right to peacefully walk away without malice, without angst, with just an acceptance that there was no other way.

FIFO.

And then there is another acronym which was not mentioned in the context that I am about to use it.

My brother was explaining how the company that he currently works for used to have a man on the board of directors who could not stop saying inane things. Others amongst them got so fed up of his constant interjections of rubbish that they made up a phrase that doubled up as an acronym. As soon as this phrase was mentioned it was a sign for someone else to change the subject; rather like the end of a round of Mornington Crescent.

The phrase and the acronym?
“There we are then” signalling and end of the conversation and an indication, through the acronym of what they all felt about this bore.

There we are then. And that is something that we should all live by (not the acronym).

We are where we are, as it is.

There we are then!